How is it that I’ve been self-isolating for over three weeks now, and I’m experiencing more acute social fatigue than I do when I’m free to leave the house whenever I want?

Fucking social media.

A friend of mine recently described the current state of Twitter — in a Tweet, of course — as one long scrolling panic attack. Totally on point.

But it’s not just Twitter. Facebook, YouTube, Instagram — it’s hard to go anywhere on the social internet* these days without feeling like you’re under constant threat… Threat of pressured conspicuous consumption. (Retail COVID therapy, anyone?) Threat of global pandemic. Threat of a super wealthy, predatory capitalist vampire class and its puppet government enriching themselves at the expense of the rest us. Threat of the rest of us, who can’t seem to get our heads out of our asses for long enough to realize the threats we’re under because we’re too busy arguing online about who’s at fault for all these threats. The threat of existential exhaustion from constantly being under threat — fucking christ how much more of this shit can I take?! Etc.

If there’s one thing I really hope to take away from this whole quarantine thing, it’s to never forget that time spent staring at social media is mostly wasted time.

All the time throughout the day I spend scrolling though Instagram or Twitter (my chosen social media poisons) is time I could have spent doing something that actually enriches me as a person — playing music, reading a book, learning a language, writing, making or editing photographs, connecting remotely with friends and family… Not only are those all things I actually do, but they’re also things I usually “struggle” to find time to do. I’ve never struggled to find time to stare at social media.

Yes, I’m generally pretty busy (less so under forced isolation, even though I’m fortunate enough to still be working), but I get those weekly screen time reports on my phone, and I see exactly how much I waste on social media. It’s literally hours every week. If I stopped fucking around on Twitter and the ‘Gram, I might have already achieved basic fluency in German or Spanish, or have read a few more books, finished putting together a couple more photo zines, have hours more recorded music, be better about maintaining a training regimen in isolation, etc.

I tell myself that I go to social media to keep up with the latest news and info with the least amount of bullshit. I guess there is some truth to that. Most established news outlets (TV, radio, online) spew little more than trash corporate talking points, and social media is supposed to facilitate and amplify independent voices, right?

And sure there’s some of that out there, but it’s a double-edged sword: For every independent voice of truth, rational viewpoint, and thread of thoughtful conversation on social media, there are dozens lunatic dullards flooding the internet with opinions and ideas that no one ever asked for, as if they’re logical, factual or valuable. They’re none of those things. But that’s free-speech I guess, and while I’m not a fan of curtailing people’s ability to speak their minds, no matter how asinine, nowhere is the failing of American intellect and emotional intelligence more frustratingly on public display than social media. So it is what it is.

I think I’ve come to terms with an acceptable amount of social media consumption: Get my quick news fix (don’t ever read the fucking comments), scan for new music / art / photography / design, look at some cool classic cars / architecture / boxing clips, and check in on friends from afar… then get the hell off that shit. I figure if I can’t do all that in 15 minutes, maybe twice a day, I’m seriously fucking up.

Beyond that, though, trying to balance being an informed citizen and not turning into a total basketcase is a constant battle. So what’s the solution? Fuck I don’t know.

I deleted my Facebook page in 2018 and it was extremely liberating. I don’t miss it at all, even though I no longer know when most of my favorite bands are touring or releasing new music, when anyone got married, has a birthday, or drank a smoothie. But I also don’t miss feigning interest in events I get invited to but couldn’t actually give a shit about, and I really don’t miss learning more than I wanted to about the opinions of people who, in many cases, I’m only connected to through a viscously manipulative advertising machine masquerading as a “community.”

My point is, ultimately — framed in terms of what we’re all going through now — I think it all comes back to social distancing.

Do you really need to know the mundane details of the daily lives of everyone you’ve ever met for long enough to seek each other out on social media? Can you really not live without reading every half-assed hot-take about the daily outrage from the worlds of politics, Hollywood, or whatever cultural landscape matters most to you? Probably not.

So give it some space. Put the phone down, or at least swap out FB, Twitter and the ‘Gram for Candy Crush (the productivity levels are about the same, and I guarantee you that puzzle games are way less stressful).

And okay, I realize that we’re all relying on social media right now to keep us connected and informed because we’re forcibly separated (and for a good cause), but once we’re all back out in the world, maybe let’s all do this: Take two weeks off. Don’t use Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc. Just walk away, and see how it changes your perspective. It’ll probably make you happier and healthier.

(Oh and hey, don’t forget to follow me on Twitter and Instagram, @maxsidman. #likeandsubscribe)

*Except maybe TikTok. I don’t use that shit, but my daughter is on it, and from what I can tell it’s just millions of kids lip-sync reenacting movie and TV scenes, and online dance-battling while standing still ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Adaptive Strategies is a blog series I’m working on while I’m confined to my home during the Bay Area’s coronavirus shelter-in-place lockdown. Each of these posts is about whatever I happen to be going through, or what I’m doing to deal with whatever is going through my head, as we’re all self-isolating…or maybe they’re about nothing in particular.]

[So I think this is the first in a run of blogging-as-coping-mechanism posts I’ll try to publish every few days…maybe once a week…as long as the ol’ pandemic lasts. “Adaptive Strategies” refers to rapid, flexible responses to change, in which the formulation and implementation of coping strategies happen simultaneously — in this case, to deal with being mostly cooped up at home during a pretty stressful global health event. Specifically, in the case of this blog series, it’s just me blathering about whatever ill shit is going on in my head while I can’t get to life on the outside due to threat of sickness and death. Good times. Note that the writing might get a bit stream-of-consciousness-y. But fuck it, whatever. Read on…or don’t.]

Like most everyone else around me, I am currently “sheltering in place” — working remotely and otherwise biding my time in self-isolation to do my part in slowing the pace of a pandemic that’s proven to be swift, mysterious, and deadly.

It doesn’t help that the national crisis infrastructure which people rely on to act quickly and concisely to deal with these sorts of things has been pretty much totally dismantled in favor of for-profit programs by rich assholes, for rich assholes. Basically, what we’ve been lead to believe is a safety net is in fact a giant gaping hole at the top of a bottomless pit.

And frankly, if you’ve been paying attention for the last couple decades, but especially the last few years, it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that we can’t count on the system to take care of us. But it’s not super helpful or healthy to deal with all this quarantine and failure bullshit from an outlook rooted solely in mistrust and disdain. So while I maintain a pretty virulent fuck-this-system mindset, I’m also aware that, in order to keep myself from turning into a total basket case, I need to remember who I can count on, and why.

So here’s a quick list — incomplete for sure, but top-of-mind at the moment — of some folks I’ve come to rely on for various things that get me through my day-to-day. Knowing that they’re still out there reminds me that there’s some good in the world, and not everyone is a shitheeled ratfucker who’s out for profit over all else…

Independent musicians… This past Friday 3/20, Bandcamp.com waved its 15% fee so that musicians who sell through the site could keep 100% of their sales. Apparently the fans stepped up. I read that Bandcamp booked over $3M in sales that day, all of which went directly the artists. I am proud to say that I was responsible for .001% of that (about $30), but I also buy pretty regularly from Bandcamp (even if the artists are streaming on Spotify or Apple Music, because those streaming services fuck artists over pretty hard). And while I certainly don’t think I deserve a cookie for my regular patronage of Bandcamp artists, what I’m saying is that I don’t need the promise of waived fees to back people who make music I like. I support independent musicians because they do cool shit, and because new music and cool shit make me happy. And I’ll take as much happy as I can get most days, but especially right now.

Local restaurants that are (barely) keeping the lights on while restricted to take-out and delivery service… I was in my neighborhood spot this morning grabbing a coffee and a loaf of bread. My friend Isaac — who lives on the block with his wife and young son — owns the place, which is currently serving as the lone storefront for his neighborhood empire. He owns and operates a coffee shop and pizza place, from which he also runs a retail and wholesales bakery operation. He’s currently got all three businesses going under one roof to maximize expenses and operations, and things are tight. But when we spoke this morning, despite his own obvious levels of stress, he only expressed concern for the community of service industry folks (including a good portion of his own staff) who are mostly laid off right now, and gratitude for being able to continue serving the neighborhood. Issac is an exemplary human being, and so are most of the people I know who work in the service industry — restaurant and bar owners, servers and bartenders, baristas, etc. Many of them have been laid off, some are holding out, running take-out and delivery-only businesses just to try to keep the lights on. Seeing these people struggle is fucking terrible, but seeing them fight for survival is inspiring. And while I can’t afford to eat out for every meal, we are definitely ordering from our local spots on the afternoons and evenings that we would normally be at a table or the bar in these places. There’s also a huge number of service industry pages on GoFundMe right now, and they’re all worthy of support, so if you can, please find something local to where you live, and do help them.

Friends and family… During this shelter-in-place situation, you shouldn’t be hanging out with people you don’t live with, but that doesn’t mean you can’t connect with people. This is the age of FaceTime (or Zoom or Google Hangouts or whatever), so it’ easy to reach out to your folks, siblings, cousins, friends, etc. There is a ton of scientific research that show the positive mental health benefits of social interaction — even if it’s through a screen. Basically, just getting some through-device face-to-face conversation with people who are important to you can do wonders for your psyche. I really only catch up with my mom that way, but I know people who have done virtual happy hours, virtual book clubs, whatever. If you need to talk to someone, you can, and should.

My own dam self… I’ve always been an introvert, and as I get older, I find myself embracing hermithood. I really have no problem social distancing as a way of life, but that doesn’t mean I’m a shut-in either. I have a routine, which has me out of the house on the regular, and especially now that I can’t leave the house as I please, I miss the routine. I can’t go to the gym. I can’t go to my neighborhood spots for food or coffee or drinks or records, I can’t go walking around to take pictures , or go play music with bandmates, or meet up with friends. It sucks. But here we are. I’m reminded that I can only really rely on myself (which I’ve pretty much got a PhD in), so I’m doing the only things I can to cope — work, make music, mess around with photos, find little home projects to bang on, and write stupid stuff to post to this blog, all in an effort to keep me sane. I’m doing fine. (Full disclosure: I do live with my partner and my daughter, and while I can count on them to be there for me, I can’t lean too heavily on them because they’re dealing with this shit too, and the last thing I want to do is drive them crazy.)

Adaptive Strategies: Social Media Distancing

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